bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
