I'm going to jail i love you
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
