I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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