Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
