come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
