Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
