its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
