I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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