Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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