For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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