is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i would punch a child for taco bell
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
