He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
