I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
