I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
