Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
