Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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