Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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