Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
