I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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