i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
