Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
