The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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