So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
