dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
