Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
