He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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