So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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