Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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