never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
