Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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