I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
