I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
