billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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