so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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