I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
