I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
