You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
