the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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