i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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