When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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