its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
