if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
