and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
