Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize