Apparently you make a good broom.
It's Friday. Sex?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
