I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
