My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
