You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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