so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
