you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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