I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
