He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
