My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
